This is the LOVE month. I was born on Valentines Day, so it has always had special meaning. As a little girl the thrill of cutting out paper hearts and attaching lace dollies to put in the mail made me wait with anticipation for a response. Isn’t that like us. We are always waiting for someone to respond. That somehow answers our heart that says "love me", "notice me", "look at me" and "understand my unmet need."
Many boyfriends and broken hearts later, Valentines Day took on new meaning. It becomes a lonely day with out a special guy to say "Be MINE". Marriage and valentines came, and I began the struggle over "be mine". There were years I was ready to say "be yours". Remember I am in the business of trading spaces and furniture, my heart had to be tenderized to see "me". Amazing how we always think it is "him or them".
How is a woman to forgive her husband when he jam's birthday into Valentines Day in one card? I have tried over 25 years to express that these are 2 separate occasions. I have decided now that we do not celebrate birthdays anymore we will just celebrate LIFE!
Like working out struggles we have with a friend, particularly our spouse, when we want to say this will not work. I am not going to bend on this issue and we want to pack up and leave, we learn to rearrange our thinking to engage in their thoughts and the things that make their space more comfortable. Sometime we have to say “I am sorry for the way I held this against you. I will make it work". Letting go and letting G-D has always helped.
Just read an article today. So true for the love month. Read it at bottom. Great wisdom. When we can communicate our feelings and pray about the outcome, we discover the possibilities that our life has. We have each other. It is just like the rooms of furniture and all the changes to “our plans” that take place. When we believe in love and the commitment we have vowed, the moving of furniture from the past isn’t so hard. Our unmet expectations change but our commitment to each other changes not. Our love is the “glue stick” that holds us together.
This Valentines do not let your heart be broken . Look at ways to redesign your space. I am putting my expectations in things that are lasting. I am not hoping in romantic surprises. I will admit though that I love them when they come and they show up just in time.
I now have learned to place my hope in things that are lasting and not let the build up of unmet expectations disappoint me. The LOVE I have found never leaves me feeling shortchanged.
This year I am traveling to Israel for a month to fulfill a dream with purpose. I am setting my heart to be a blessing to women who have lost hope thru tragedy and loss. I have a husband who loves me even though he sometimes does not give me the unspoken dreams of my heart. He is my VALENTINE.
"The scientists defined forgiveness as the diminishing of the initial negative feelings that arise when you've been wronged. Their results showed that those who had prayed for their partner harbored fewer vengeful thoughts and emotions: They were more ready to forgive and move on."
The following is a news release from American Psychological Science News(APS):
We have all been guilty of a transgression at one time or another. That's because we're not perfect. We all commit hurtful acts, violate trust, and hope for forgiveness.
That's simply a fact, and here's another one: Nine out of 10 Americans say that they pray—at least on occasion. Florida State University psychologist Nathaniel Lambert put these two facts together and came up with an idea: Why not take all that prayer and direct it at the people who have wronged us? Is it possible that directed prayer might spark forgiveness in those doing the praying—and in the process preserve relationships?(Photo by: Adrian van Leen)
Lambert and his colleagues decided to test this scientifically in two experiments appearing in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science. In the first, they had a group of men and women pray one single prayer for their romantic partner's well being. Others—the experimental controls—they simply described their partner, speaking into a tape recorder.
Then they measured forgiveness. The scientists defined forgiveness as the diminishing of the initial negative feelings that arise when you've been wronged. Their results showed that those who had prayed for their partner harbored fewer vengeful thoughts and emotions: They were more ready to forgive and move on.
If one single prayer can cause such a striking difference in feelings, then what could prayer over a period of time do for a relationship? In a second study, the researchers had a group of men and women pray for a close friend every day for four weeks. Others simply reflected on the relationship, thinking positive thoughts but not praying for their friend's well-being. They also added another dimension. They used a scale to measure selfless concern for others—not any particular person but other people generally. They speculated that prayer would increase selfless concern, which in turn would boost forgiveness.
And that's just what they found. But why? How does this common spiritual practice exert its healing effects? The psychological scientists have an idea: Most of the time, couples profess and believe in shared goals, but when they hit a rough patch, they often switch to adversarial goals like retribution and resentment. These adversarial goals shift cognitive focus to the self, and it can be tough to shake that self-focus. Prayer appears to shift attention from the self back to others, which allows the resentments to fade.
