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Jeremy with his son Cole Pic 2 Max 18 and Cole 10 months Pic 3 Cole...Mimi's BOYS!
It has been such fun to have crumbs and sippie cups and little grand boys under toe! This has truly been a Thanksgiving to remember. Now it is time to put out the mistletoe even though the decor changes with each passing season the sweet memories linger. Never mind the unswept floors, laundry and all the leftovers. While people are swept in a shopping freenzy I am choosing to linger a little longer.
As I kissed my youngest 10 month old good bye as he bundled up to get ready for an early flight to San Franscico it made me remember tucking in my son soon to be 32 in a few days. Where did the time go? We were running off to soccer and football and packing for college. Seems like the only room I remember decorating was the nursery, the next years time was spent cleaning and sorting, in fact I cannot honestly remember the color or even the furniture in his room, the smell of football uniforms still remains! And now all I remember is the precious smile that framed his face and looks so much like little Cole.
This brought back the first time he caught my eyes with the sparkle that said "I love you mommy" and we connected. Now, as Mimi I assume another role to see things differently than before. My eye for design always catches the unusual. The unusual caught my heart. I saw the interior of my son light up. His eyes attached to the smile of his son. The attraction was mutual. They hit the "sweet spot". Both corners of their mouths lovingly curled. My heart melted with the interplay of emotions. This explains why a room takes on so many directions and often one color interplays against another giving it the strength to remain. Love is that way.
All of a sudden it did not matter to me the frustrations of the week before and the misunderstandings that Jeremy and I had had over the years. Wasted words and frayed emotions steal our sleep. This holiday truly was a time to give THANKS. Never mind how having a fussy, sick baby is exhausting. Even though Cole's nose was runny he never stopped smiling, that was enough to make us forget his cries. This reminds me of the color of paint for my bathroom. It was a designers migraine. I have been so frustrated with three different colors and purchases of paint. Like harsh words they are costly. If only we could paint over them like my bathroom. I finally 'let go" of worrying about the color and asked my painter to bring over some left overpaint. I would choose from his overages. I selected a subtle grey taupe. It was perfect. I let go of expectations.
This Thanksgiving I wanted to serve my family. There were moments when I was reluctant. I kept letting go and allowing love to lead. I watched each glass clanging as we toasted and lovingly waited for each child's warm response. Even the hurtful moment with Jeremy, like Cole's crying vanished when I heard his warm remarks. As I kept observing his reaction to his own son my own misunderstood feelings dissolved. I now understood how fierce his love and care for his son was. Like I told him LOVE ALWAYS WINS.
My mother heart yearns to always restore and strengthen the foundation of our relationship. Honor mixed with love will be the winning touchdown. This is something I want him to teach his son. This builds a secure family. If there is anything I have learned in a design process there are NO short cuts. You will always pay more later. I often tried to patch up a hurt when more preparation was required. Because of fear inside me from a fractured marriage. I often tried to do a quick fix instead of a lasting repair. I needed to expose the pain before trying to cover it up. We try to plaster our way over the rough spots in life when we really need to examine the size of the crack.
This week seeing my son look into his precious Cole's eyes was a delight. There bonding is deep. There love and compassion will increase. My hope is they will not take short cuts in their relationship and plan their course. We spend so much time planning our rooms, purchasing the furniture and collecting. If only we spent as much time, money and energy in our family building skills. What we own, store and collect is never as important as the time we spend looking into the eyes of a child and encouraging them in their development.
Over the years most of my collecting has been showing up beneath the dust, tucked inside unopened boxes in the garage. The last two months I have been sorting, giving and hoping the kids would want some of the treasures I so neatly and secuely stored. I even found a trophy with the head off, not sure which kid that belonged to but it finally hit the trash. My eyes have been opened. I am thankfully letting go. My heart is filled with expectation.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON...YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MIM's LITTLE BOY!
