Invisible Resolutions.

 This week is a time for reflection and a closer look at those things that are hidden from VIEW. It is a time to work on resolutions.  The first of the year make us look at personal choices, weigh-ins and work outs.   A resolve and determination to take action for the future.  I always love to get a new calendar and planner.  I am determined to use my iCal this NEW YEAR!  At least it is in the forefront of "my intentions".    Have you ever thought about "good intentions"?  What is behind them?  Are you doing them to impress someone or does it make you feel like a better person than you "know you are"?  I have really been  introspective the last few days,  year end inventory control.  The reassessment has left me with some unanswered questions that have prompted this post.

  The design principle to re examine is "unity".  This is the sense that everything in the SPACE is in order.  All the objects have a certain "feel" and balance .  We like to say everything "belongs in the room".  We usually unify a room by repetition of pattern or color using the "same element"  to create a STYLE.   All the pieces work together in the room.  One piece does not compete for attention.  They work together!  Harmony.  If life and relationships could be so easy as furniture placement.

    Let's go into our own living rooms and sit awhile.  Where is the wall sconce out of balance? It is like we are hanging around the wrong room of "friends".  Why do we wreck the design harmony by being too dimly lit or to garish and obvious.  I love great design that is understated, yet important.   Each element speaks.   I want to unify the room with pure heart intentions.  So often I have been like a fixture that is out of place.   This year  I resolve to hang out in the "right rooms".   I don't want to go into those rooms of "regret" again.

     Now, I am not in the New Year yet so I must confess a little room of regret.  I want to know the "WHY" behind my "DO".  

   When I go to the store  a preoccupation with the latest "gossip" headlines grabs me.  Why is there so much intrigue with someone else' s mistakes and failures?   I really hit a wall today as I thought of how  a world famous and dearly loved "golf icon" could tumble so hard.   Humpty Dumpty had a great FALL.  I read in USA Today on December 15 09  how the "tiger" talked about  his eye surgery for the TLC Laser Eye centers.  His invisible handicap came into full view.   The website had a recorded message : "Hi, this is Tiger woods.  For years, I played golf with an invisible handicap.  Invisible to everyone but me." Woods says.

     We have many invisible handicaps that we can only "SEE".  I guess if you're like me it must make us feel  a "little better" than who we are reading about.  I can sneak the chocolate as I pay.  Later I  pay again when the jeans are too tight!   It is time to bring to light the things that are hidden so the invisible handicaps do not cost me.  

     This years resolution : let's unify the design style in our rooms.  We can make everything brand new again.   We can determine to know the G-d who made the universe and all the elements that make for GREAT DESIGN.   He is watching our moves.  He makes our invisible visible.  The place to begin is to  keep HIS  number one commandment.  How do we really love Him with our whole heart?  We begin by obeying the "little nudges" to do what He says.  We must not only do as Adonai directs but also FEAR Him this coming Year.  Invite Him  into your own living rooms.    He will make a visible difference!

 

CHERISH the gift

         

      As I scurry to this store and that one wondering what is in sight.  I look at my list and say "oh no, this is not a welcome delight!!"   We do not have some of  these,  Swiss cheeses to make the holiday  fondue.  I decided to  send my husband to the store. Not a welcome sight!   Three cell phone calls later,  I ponder the day and say oh e ve!   What kind of french bread?   I try to not yell at him on the phone so all the bystanders will hear.   

     How can French bread be so complicated?  He says there are 4 different kinds. I say "just get the one that looks right".   "You have to feel it and make sure you can cut it easily", I say.  I know men are from Mars and women Venus, but this is ridiculous.   All I want is some wonderful French bread.  The kind you cut in cubes for the fondue.  We are only beginning the list - one store and three to go, oh no!   

        Family time used to be so easy when mom was in the kitchen with help nearby.  Now with our busy workloads we "job share".  I thought the grocery would be a welcome delight, as plenty of samples to tantalize the war-torn knight. 

        I am married to a wonderfully complex man.  The best of him comes out  at the grocery stores.  He is a bond trader.   I, on the other hand, am a blond designer.  Further explanation not needed.  I thought this expedition would run smoothly.  I even wrote neatly. I tried to categorize by store. Today I even took the cookbook out to show him the pictures.  I want  "baby carrots"  with the green on the ends.   I am a visual learner; this seemed sensible.  Facts, like the price out way the picture.   He says"so how am I going to find a boneless leg of lamb this size?".  What will it cost?   My answer  "  not to bother. I will  go to "the other store". 

  

       Now the "other store" is where the "yuppies" shop, our daughter for sure!   It is expensive and sure to have whatever dear husband can't find insight!

       He would never come home with the items if I sent him to that store.  I learned to make love and marriage work this way: there are some "things" you never tell a husband.  Shopping "details" is one for sure!  The way I beat inflation is stay away from the stores.   When I do go  I just close my eyes and swipe the credit card.  He of course reads the statement at the end of the month.  The festive meal is consumed and that favorite dress is admired, somehow the pain is not remembered!

         This reminds me of a wonderful design client I had in California.  We handled some of the decorating choices  ourselves!   The fabrics she selected were all from France and quite expensive.   We did not weigh the "cost" to sacrifice the beautiful window dressing.  I presented the bill unashamedly to her husband,  after the installation.   They were exquisite and no one cared at this point about price.

        The enjoyment and beauty in life is often missed by hidden fears that spoil the gift. Consider the  joy that comes when we open our hearts to each other. The hurry and scurry vanishes from sight as we see the faces "light up" in sheer delight as they open the gifts and share the festive meal. 

  

      The joy of a finished design job comes with the thrill of satisfied clients.  They soon forget the delays, wasted phone calls and budget overruns when they are cozily sitting on the "french sofa", musing , laughing and loving...

       We can be extravagant some of the time so memories are remembered and shared.  Extravagant loving comes from extravagant giving.   Meal time is the best way to let love flow. Remember to let the "small stuff" go and forget the things that do not matter.

     We will have 3 to 4 different fondue pots and conversations going.  The meal will last 2 to 3 hours and we will laugh a lot  and remember this Christmas when we were together.    Family time,  "cherish" is the name.  The gift we remember!

           I read an interesting article about a study done on rats. Researchers at Yale University found that rats that were in isolation and lonely were prone to cancer.  They suffered greater levels of stress.  Stress has actually been shown to "trigger cancer-causing genes in humans". Fear and anxiety were discovered in these rats that create higher levels of cancer like breast tumors.

  

            We have to guard our hearts at this time and not let the shopping frenzy or unfulfilled groceries lists steal our joy.  We need to be so grateful that we have family to shop for  and are not alone during the Holidays.  I always look for people who are alone, or children who will not get presents to bless.  We have so much, we have each other.   We  combat loneliness and little irritations  by looking for opportunities.   May you be blessed to be a BLESSING!!

             I thank G-d for everyone who has come into my life and circle of love.  May we open our hearts to the best gift life has to offer.  We as Christians celebrate the birth of our Messiah.  He is the reason for this SEASON of GIVING.  He gave LOVE.  So we can LOVE.   Let us celebrate with a reason to look for ways to " love on"  each other and forget about the flaws.

            Pass the chocolate to the "ones" you LOVE.    Cherish the gift.      

LOVE Connection

       

Private dining room at the Eden Rock Hotel, Miami

    The Eden Rock Hotel was a wonderful escape.  The bold new decor was a designers dream.  I felt like I had stepped back in time as I  imagined the movie stars that had graced these walls.  You must check out their website http://boldnewedenroc.com/   and see the fabulous renovation.   The wall in the private dining room depicts a blending of old and new.    If only these walls could talk and tell stories, I am sure they would share  of the countless people who have dined before.  Imagine  the movie stars who have graced these interiors.

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      In any relationship you will use elements from the past to bring out a new dimension.  I love the small mirrored cutouts.  The reflection of a little glitter against the natural stone with the embedded shell fossils was so intriguing.   Something of a previous generation was left to give an imprint to the Florida Chic dining room.

        I discovered more than a beach getaway in a fabulous resort.   The true imprint left  in the wall of my heart is forever lasting.    I was invited to the 70th anniversary of the voyage of the St. Louis.  In 1939 it carried Jewish refugees from Europe, but was turned away from Havana, Miami, and Ft. Lauderdale ports. This was a reunion for the remaining survivors.  Look at the front page Monday, December 14, 2009 Miami Herald  Miamiherald.com for the article.

         Life is so fragile.   I saw this reflected in the many vases displayed throughout the hotel.  The glass vases reminded me of the lives that  were just as transparent.   As I saw thru their precious hearts and felt the warmth in their stories,  I somehow felt a part of it.  Stories connect  the heart.  Life lessons mirror  others love, laughter and heartbreak.   They let us see and connect to people who we have never met before.  We feel the love connection.

New "friends", a survivor and her sister from NY and me!

        

  1939 was a time when  the existence of Judaism was in question .  History cannot change the past; it only paints a picture  to help redesign our future.  We preserve our stories thru scrapbooks  that recapture events and reunite hearts.   A picture portrays much more than a thousand words!   I so delighted to see the faces of the "survivors" light up as Rosemary Schlindler of Schindler's Ark opened her album of their past get-togethers.     Memories unite families, bridge the gap between  generations and are the glue that bind us together.  We really learn we are so much more than "scrap".   Do not throw away your valuable times with your families and friends.  This is the season to "cherish" and "cherish is the reason..."

         Family  legacies of faith and fun are kept alive as we share holidays together.  View the last two blogs to learn more   The stories told of their families and how they had managed thru difficult times showed the roses so beautifully. In years past they were playmates in the orphanages.  Now they were sharing losses of spouses and old friends.  Life sails by and we miss the beauty of each passing day by rushing too fast past memory lane.    Celebrate each season you are in and share the joy of it!

 

        There was one wall in the hotel filled with large, medium and smaller cylinders.  They had beautiful rose buds floating in a row .  I loved the patterns that were reflected.  The precious people I met so displayed the beauty in these vases.   I saw and heard the love and joy of old   friends  reuniting.    The wall to my heart these precious friends  display is much more beautiful than a thousand walls of roses.   Their fragrance will last forever.   You will not have to keep changing the display  and adding fresh flowers.  Stories of the heart last forever. They can be viewed by all. 

  

Ceremony outside and a Rabbi singing!

       This weekend I listened slowly and absorbed fragments to pass on to my children.  Life lessons  enhance future generations.   I so remember my grandmother sharing recipes with mom.   She loved us tenderly and spoiled us wonderfully.   I am so excited to "grandmother" next May.  Love passing from one generation to the next.  We must hold tightly the values we share and the faith we resemble. 

  

        I could not smell the roses in the vases.  However, the fragrance of cherished lives I met is lingering.   It will forever be remembered.   I saw in these heroic people that love wins out.  Love and laughter can only help soften the tears.  Tragedies are buried forever in the heart.  I had tears as  I listened.  What could I do to soften the pain?

       We as Americans were attempting to bring closure to buried hurts.  We were attempting to  acknowledge our guilt in turning the ship away.   A Congressional Resolution was being signed.  Now  ownership was shifting.   How many times do we dodge responsibility to a friend?   When have we turned our hearts away from doing what is best in a situation?   Compromise is the enemy of the soul.  We all tread water and think  we can make it when we join the current of pressure.  I do not know what FDR faced in his soul as he sent the ship away.

      I am attempting to be a love connection.  This weekend  connected me.  My faith compels me to continue.   My heart leaves a  trail of roses  behind the event,  to all the wonderful people who  made it happen.  Thank you for being a love connection.   In our own room we can re-arrange the furniture of our thoughts.   We can rehang memories that will endure the test of time.  We can love lots, kiss slowly, color outside the lines and see joy light up a face when we learn to live from the inside out.  Live to laugh.  Love to live.  

Saying goodbye to Rosemary...Old friends

  A REUNION!

Food For Thought...

     One of the wonderful trade offs for working hard as a designer is the wonderful people I meet from different parts of the world.  Sharing a meal around a newly acquired dining table rings warm thoughts.  One memorable time was when   my NY clients have a Chanukah party just for me!  They knew I was fascinated  to learn the  Jewish roots to this holiday.

         This year I am having them over to kick off the celebration and enjoy family time where we can see similarities of our “faith”.

         This is my first time to make potato latkes, last year I bought them.  I know the grease will fly and laughter will abound.  I love new kitchen episodes.  Who will clean up the mess?   The homemade applesauce a breeze and the sour cream no sweat, I am beginning to feel like a Jewish momma.  The chicken is in the pot.  The smells of garlic, invade the air.  We will have great boost to our immune system.

       Not being Jewish I found it interesting to learn how this custom originated. This originally started as a Sephardic tradition where there was an abundance of cheese however the Russians and Europeans had an abundance of potatoes.  Thus potato latkes,  a delightful substitute. I heard it said that this holiday Judith saved her city by cleverly feeding wine and cheese to the enemy.  We have a lot to learn from this as we look for opportunities to bless others at this time.  We can trick the enemy of our soul by feeding our thoughts with good things.

      I am working on my heart now as I have several situations where contracts are not being paid.  (The failing housing market I want to make sure I am keeping my heart right and eating the sweet food and not allowing a sour taste to poison my heart.

        One of the parallels for me at this time as a Christian Zionist is to see the similarities between the Maccabees and where we are today.  This is a time the righteous should not be silent.   We must stand up and be counted for our “beliefs” and ideals we believe in that promote righteous.  It is not a time to sacrifice our beliefs in a G-d we trust and cower down to “popular” opinion.  The Maccabees stood up and were not politically correct at a time when everyone wanted to retreat.  There is a price to be paid to stand tall in the face of tottering moral decay.  As a designer, I have often gone against “popular” opinion of a client’s friend on a design decision that I knew was wrong.

         Let us celebrate our differences and embrace our Faith in what we do share in common.  We believe in the one true G-d as mentioned in the Shama.  May we embrace this prayer daily as we go into the days ahead knowing that we have stood for righteousness and triumphed over evil.

          Let’s laugh, and love not just the next eight days but prepare our homes to celebrate inner JOY.  As we linger around the meal let our conversation be sweet.  Let us at this season speak kind words and hear the kind echoes.  

        

         

       

Contagious JOY!

     At this time of year hectic lifestyles surface.  Traffic jams, like a cluttered room, cause confusion.  Long lines and all the delays make us loose the JOY and the REASON FOR THE SEASON.  Tis’ the season that brings out the best and the worst in us.  We are sharing axioms or self -evident truths that paint a real life picture.

     One of the most frustrating things I deal with as a designer is how to meet client’s expectations and handle the hassles of vendor delays and unmet deadlines.  I am so tempted to “blame shift”.    I must be solution oriented, driven by heart integrity.  I read an interesting article that drove this home, making it a heartfelt truth.     

 

 Shifting Blame is a Contagion

Teresa Neumann (December 1, 2009)

"When we see others protecting their egos, we become defensive too. We then try to protect our own self-image by blaming others for our mistakes, which may feel good in the moment. Blame creates a culture of fear, and this leads to a host of negative consequences for individuals and for groups.

REPORTER'S NOTE: Wow, does this hit home! Blame shifting may not be human nature at its worst, but it's directly related to some of history's most abhorrent moments: Cain killing Abel, Saul's hatred of David, and the Pharisees condemnation of Jesus, to name just a few. Perhaps this is a timely reminder for all of us to guard our hearts against it. I know it is for me. -Teresa Neumann, BCN.


 Though it should go without saying, new research from the USC Marshall School of Business and Stanford University reports that merely observing someone publicly blame an individual in an organization for a problem—even when the target is innocent—greatly increases the odds that the practice of blaming others will spread with the tenacity of the H1N1 flu.

The reason: blame spreads quickly because it triggers the perception that one's self-image is under assault and must be protected.

The study called "Blame Contagion: The Automatic Transmission of Self-Serving Attributions" is believed to be the first to examine whether shifting blame to others is socially contagious. The results will be published in the November issue of Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

"When we see others protecting their egos, we become defensive too," says Fast, the study's lead author. "We then try to protect our own self-image by blaming others for our mistakes, which may feel good in the moment." He adds that in the long run, such behavior could hurt one's reputation and be destructive to an organization and further to our society as a whole.

Fast is quoted as saying when public blaming becomes common practice—especially by leaders—its effects on an organization can be insidious and withering: Individuals who are fearful of being blamed for something become less willing to take risks, are less innovative or creative, and are less likely to learn from their mistakes.

"Blame creates a culture of fear," Fast said, "and this leads to a host of negative consequences for individuals and for groups."

A manager can keep a lid on the behavior by rewarding employees who learn from their mistakes and by making a point to acknowledge publicly his or her own mistakes, Fast says. Managers may also want to assign blame, when necessary, in private and offer praise in public to create a positive attitude in the workplace.

Fast is also quoted as saying anyone can become a blamer, but there are some common traits. Typically, they are more ego defensive, have a higher likelihood of being narcissistic, and tend to feel chronically insecure."

 

   

    The axiom taught in this article may free you up in this season of agitation.  Let me share a self-evident designer truth that I recently learned.    It is so easy to “blame shift” when promised orders are lost, delayed and not meeting deadlines.  This holiday season was no exception.  We ordered the dining table and chairs in plenty of time ahead of the Holiday rush.  We were promised delivery before Thanksgiving. 

     Many calls to the showroom seemed everything was on schedule until the week before when everyone’s promises changed.  Words heard now were never mentioned before now.  I all of a sudden learned of fabric that was still not woven, thus the delay to the chairs.  The most disappointing news was the promised table that was not finished.  Thoughts of canceling the order entered my mind. It was not ethical.  I searched my heart for the right thing to do.  Who could I blame?   I then turned my thoughts to the items in the home that were in place, the beautiful drapes, the bedrooms, and sitting areas were well on there way.  I emailed the client these words:  we have so much to be thankful for, this is ONLY FURNITURE!

       My word had always been my bond.  I had always tried to back up what I perceived as truth regarding what was best for the client and the design.  I always want to be solution minded and apt to shift and re-arrange my thought process to reflect CHANGE.   The client was having twelve for Thanksgiving with no table in sight.  This was not a welcome delight! 

        Our crew went to the warehouse and delivered a “substitute table” and chairs.  The family gathered and to their delight were THANKFUL for all they had in sight!  They were together celebrating moments of laughter and love with a sister whose life is being drained by cancer.  The truth was the table was not as important as the LOVE-FEAST they shared.

        May we live to celebrate life and be grateful for every passing season.  As a Christian, I am so grateful at this time to reflect and realize what drives me.  My faith in CHRIST makes this time of year so meaningful.  I have many guests at my table, I always want to make sure I am ready to “entertain a stranger”.   Please pass the PEACE , JOY and LOVE.   I want to make room for everything that is good. 

        When we are in the dreaded line, with annoying thoughts lets remember to recount our blessings of this past year.  Let’s not blame the girl at the “checkout”.  Let’s spread JOY not BLAME.   Contagious JOY, let it spread!