Contagious JOY!

     At this time of year hectic lifestyles surface.  Traffic jams, like a cluttered room, cause confusion.  Long lines and all the delays make us loose the JOY and the REASON FOR THE SEASON.  Tis’ the season that brings out the best and the worst in us.  We are sharing axioms or self -evident truths that paint a real life picture.

     One of the most frustrating things I deal with as a designer is how to meet client’s expectations and handle the hassles of vendor delays and unmet deadlines.  I am so tempted to “blame shift”.    I must be solution oriented, driven by heart integrity.  I read an interesting article that drove this home, making it a heartfelt truth.     

 

 Shifting Blame is a Contagion

Teresa Neumann (December 1, 2009)

"When we see others protecting their egos, we become defensive too. We then try to protect our own self-image by blaming others for our mistakes, which may feel good in the moment. Blame creates a culture of fear, and this leads to a host of negative consequences for individuals and for groups.

REPORTER'S NOTE: Wow, does this hit home! Blame shifting may not be human nature at its worst, but it's directly related to some of history's most abhorrent moments: Cain killing Abel, Saul's hatred of David, and the Pharisees condemnation of Jesus, to name just a few. Perhaps this is a timely reminder for all of us to guard our hearts against it. I know it is for me. -Teresa Neumann, BCN.


 Though it should go without saying, new research from the USC Marshall School of Business and Stanford University reports that merely observing someone publicly blame an individual in an organization for a problem—even when the target is innocent—greatly increases the odds that the practice of blaming others will spread with the tenacity of the H1N1 flu.

The reason: blame spreads quickly because it triggers the perception that one's self-image is under assault and must be protected.

The study called "Blame Contagion: The Automatic Transmission of Self-Serving Attributions" is believed to be the first to examine whether shifting blame to others is socially contagious. The results will be published in the November issue of Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

"When we see others protecting their egos, we become defensive too," says Fast, the study's lead author. "We then try to protect our own self-image by blaming others for our mistakes, which may feel good in the moment." He adds that in the long run, such behavior could hurt one's reputation and be destructive to an organization and further to our society as a whole.

Fast is quoted as saying when public blaming becomes common practice—especially by leaders—its effects on an organization can be insidious and withering: Individuals who are fearful of being blamed for something become less willing to take risks, are less innovative or creative, and are less likely to learn from their mistakes.

"Blame creates a culture of fear," Fast said, "and this leads to a host of negative consequences for individuals and for groups."

A manager can keep a lid on the behavior by rewarding employees who learn from their mistakes and by making a point to acknowledge publicly his or her own mistakes, Fast says. Managers may also want to assign blame, when necessary, in private and offer praise in public to create a positive attitude in the workplace.

Fast is also quoted as saying anyone can become a blamer, but there are some common traits. Typically, they are more ego defensive, have a higher likelihood of being narcissistic, and tend to feel chronically insecure."

 

   

    The axiom taught in this article may free you up in this season of agitation.  Let me share a self-evident designer truth that I recently learned.    It is so easy to “blame shift” when promised orders are lost, delayed and not meeting deadlines.  This holiday season was no exception.  We ordered the dining table and chairs in plenty of time ahead of the Holiday rush.  We were promised delivery before Thanksgiving. 

     Many calls to the showroom seemed everything was on schedule until the week before when everyone’s promises changed.  Words heard now were never mentioned before now.  I all of a sudden learned of fabric that was still not woven, thus the delay to the chairs.  The most disappointing news was the promised table that was not finished.  Thoughts of canceling the order entered my mind. It was not ethical.  I searched my heart for the right thing to do.  Who could I blame?   I then turned my thoughts to the items in the home that were in place, the beautiful drapes, the bedrooms, and sitting areas were well on there way.  I emailed the client these words:  we have so much to be thankful for, this is ONLY FURNITURE!

       My word had always been my bond.  I had always tried to back up what I perceived as truth regarding what was best for the client and the design.  I always want to be solution minded and apt to shift and re-arrange my thought process to reflect CHANGE.   The client was having twelve for Thanksgiving with no table in sight.  This was not a welcome delight! 

        Our crew went to the warehouse and delivered a “substitute table” and chairs.  The family gathered and to their delight were THANKFUL for all they had in sight!  They were together celebrating moments of laughter and love with a sister whose life is being drained by cancer.  The truth was the table was not as important as the LOVE-FEAST they shared.

        May we live to celebrate life and be grateful for every passing season.  As a Christian, I am so grateful at this time to reflect and realize what drives me.  My faith in CHRIST makes this time of year so meaningful.  I have many guests at my table, I always want to make sure I am ready to “entertain a stranger”.   Please pass the PEACE , JOY and LOVE.   I want to make room for everything that is good. 

        When we are in the dreaded line, with annoying thoughts lets remember to recount our blessings of this past year.  Let’s not blame the girl at the “checkout”.  Let’s spread JOY not BLAME.   Contagious JOY, let it spread!